


All I Ever Wanted

by eveynull



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power
Genre: Angst, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-22
Updated: 2018-11-22
Packaged: 2019-08-27 16:45:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16706176
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eveynull/pseuds/eveynull
Summary: Months, maybe years after the events of Season 1 and the war between the Horde and Rebellion has been raging on desperately... With neither side making any headway and without any opportunity to hesitate or pause for thought, Adora and Catra have scarce had any chance to reconcile their past and present feelings.Until now. Finally, Catra, the infamous Horde commander and second in command to Hordak himself, has been captured by the Rebellion - and Adora now gets her chance to confront her properly after all this time.But it's hardly the best of circumstances, is it?





	All I Ever Wanted

“Hey, Ador- Ah,”

Catra’s signature smirk twisted into a snarl as she took in the luminescent 8-foot princess that stood in front of her. The being, the… _thing_ that had taken everything, ruined everything for her in these past years.

In truth, Adora had only deigned to be She-Ra to put the guards at ease; to call Catra dangerous would be to understate everything about the girl. Here was the source of all manner of atrocities, who had led devastating attack after attack on the rebellion in a manner as suitably savage for her namesake.

But at the same time, it gave them both a sense of boiling unease and apprehension – and so, with the door bolted closed behind them, She-Ra let out a slow breath and in moments Adora materialised, frowning at the sight of the chained up Catra with a mix of sorrow, pity and consternation.

“Ohh, _there_ you are… geez, haven’t seen that face in a while.”

Catra smirked but the truth behind those words stung her just as badly. It was suffering enough to have gone so long without once looking upon the face of her old friend… only the mask she wore on the field of battle. Adora just gritted her teeth, pushing down the torrent of emotions that was welling up inside her chest.

“Catra.” She stated, flatly.

“Aww, nice to see you too! What’s up, come to give me a hug? Took you long enough to pin me down, it’s almost like your heart wasn’t in it!” Catra sneered, the snark coming totally naturally. It was her best and first line of defence, venomous spines working to keep others at bay. Especially this other. Adora, however, simply winced as though slapped on the wrist.

“Catra. Do you have any idea why I’ve come to see you?”

“Ohh, is it a guessing game? Hmm, I don’t know, is it to beg and plead with me some more? Pretty please join the rebellion? Oh, oh, orrrr, you’re gonna make a desperate apology, ‘Pleaaase, Catra, I’m sorry for abandoning you, this is all my faaault!’”

“Catra…”

“‘Ohh, I’m such a sad and sorry princess, I ruined your life, you’ve been _manipulated_ and never made your own choices! You’re so _weak_ and _bad_ without me!’”

“Catra.”

“‘Oh woe is me, her only friend, light of her life, all that ever mattered to her, only I can be the one to _save_ her and bring her back to _good_! Almighty She-ra, shining beacon of justice, I must correct that which has been wronged…’”

“You’re going to be _executed_!”

Catra stopped in her tracks and an uneasy silence fell between them. Then, laughter. Bellowing laughter that hurt and hurt.

“Ah-ahahaha! Ahaha, ahahahahaha!”

“Catra! Are you listening to me? They’re going to _kill_ you!”

“Of course they are! Why wouldn’t they? I’ve probably killed like, what, thousands of them by now. Maybe tens of thousands! I’m surprised they haven’t been parading me through the streets by now! Oh, but probably that’s too _uncivilised_ for princesses, so I figured they’d just leave me here to rot for a while until they decide how to get rid of me, but I guess they worked that part out sooner than I thought… probably so I don’t get to escape, which I admit I’ve been working on for a whiiiiile now-“

“ _Why is everything a game to you?!”_

Catra stopped again, her eyes narrowing at Adora, only to see her shaking, a hand covering her eyes as though she could barely look at the girl in front of her. The captive commander gritted her teeth and her gaze rolled off to the side.

“Whatever. Let them kill me. It’s what they’ve wanted for a long time, now. And hey, you’ll finally be rid of me! Maybe you can get on with winning the war now. Isn’t that what you want?”

A white-hot burning sensation across her face. Adora had slapped her. She growled and hissed but upon the sight of Adora’s face, tears threatening at the corners of her eyes, she swallowed the sounds back. It hurt.

“Of- course- I don’t want that-“

“…Right. Of course not.”

Silence again, this time for what must have been a full minute. “When?”

“Tomorrow.”

Tomorrow. So this was her last day. Huh.

“How?”

“Beheading.”

“Nice of them.”

Another pause.

“Oh come on, Adora, why are you here? Don’t make it worse for yourself.”

“I… I wanted-“

“Forget about it. It’s not your fault. I chose to be here, I chose my path. Stop _blaming_ yourself.”

“No, I… I wanted to give you one more choice.”

Catra’s eyes rolled.

“Don’t you think it’s a bit _late_ for second chances already?”

“Never.”

Catra scoffed.

“Whaaatever, Adora.”

“One last choice. Catra. Listen to me.”

“Tell me, then.”

Adora wiped her face, finally coming to lean on the wall next to Catra. Neither of them made eye contact. It was the kindest thing for them both.

“…If you choose to die… you can die, for the Horde. For everything we knew as kids. It’ll have been your choice, your path. And maybe that’ll give you peace. Maybe… it’ll give us both peace.”

Catra said nothing. Dying for the Horde? Well, that was what they’d vowed, so long ago. Death and glory, and honour. It would be quick, final. And after that… no more pain.

“But… if you don’t want that…” Adora inhaled slowly. These words were old, so old, and all the more painful and difficult as a result. “There’s still a chance you could change your mind. And… join the rebellion.”

Catra clicked her tongue and her tail flicked in annoyance, but before she could make a sound Adora went on, “But I’m going to tell you… that’s probably the hardest option. I can’t even be optimistic about it. I… I’ve always made it sound so easy, and I know now it wouldn’t be. Not just giving up the Horde… but you’d probably never be looked at with anything more than suspicion. People will hate you. They’ll probably never forgive you. It’ll be long and, and painful.”

Catra’s chest was pounding. Was this supposed to be convincing? But Adora’s tone was sincere, no longer marred by the desperation of all the other times she’d voiced the same request. Catra just grunted and shifted her weight slightly. Adora, meanwhile, continued, “I don’t think… I ever properly considered just how hard it would be, those times before. And I’m sorry. It’d be… hell. But…” and she sighed again, her shoulders slumping. “I’d be there for you. Always. I’ll try to make it easier, as much as I can. I know you don’t want to hear that. I know.”

‘I get it, Adora,’ Catra thought to herself. At least she seems to understand this time. No more… assuming. No more arrogance, as though she always knows best, like Catra was nothing but a helpless victim of her circumstances, like she needed to be _saved_.

All Catra said instead was, “So. Join you or die? That’s what you came to offer?” Her head tipped to the side and she finally looked again at Adora, a bitter smile on her face. “Look, Adora… I told you, this isn’t your fault. You don’t have to keep trying so hard, it’s sweet and all, but-”

“There’s another option.”

Catra raised an eyebrow. Adora continued without a beat, “I don’t want you to die, Catra. You know I don’t. And even after all you’ve done… I don’t think you want to die for the Horde. Not really. But I won’t force you to give up all of that, to carry on in a war I don’t think you were ever really invested in. So… I’m giving you a chance to just- just leave it all. To truly find your own way.”

Thump. Thump.

“You’re going to let me go.”

“If you want. You could turn your back on everything that’s happened. A new start, with no baggage. Freedom.”

“Where would I go?”

“Anywhere. It doesn’t matter. Anywhere but here. But you have to go away.”

“So… exile.”

“Basically.”

“Hmph… and if I go back to the Horde?”

“I don’t think that would be an option.”

She was right. Of course. She would be dishonoured, demoted, dismissed. If they didn’t execute her on the spot themselves under the presumption that she ratted them out in exchange for freedom.

“…Probably not.”

Silence.

Adora, again, was the one to break it.

“We both know you’d be fine. You’re a survivor. And… and once everything’s over, the war, the rebellion, for better or for worse…”

Thump.

“…I’d…”

Thump.

“I’d come find you again. I could leave She-ra behind, all of it.”

“You think you could do that?”

“She’s not me. None of that is really me. I’m- I’m Adora, in the end, that’s all I ever wanted to be. Once it’s all over and done with… no one would need She-ra, she can disappear into legends again…”

“And what about your other friends? You couldn’t just leave them again, you can’t just-”

Catra’s voice had raised without her meaning to, but she stopped dead as Adora took one of her hands in hers. For the first time, the first time in so long, they looked each other in the eyes.

“I’m not leaving anyone again. Never. Bow, Glimmer, they know me. They trust me. Our friendship- it would _never_ be broken. Not if I was a million miles away. But you… me… we have- there’s just… so much to fix. And it can’t happen here, or now. But maybe, someday, somehow…”

Catra stared back at her in disbelief and now her heart was pushing up her throat, her breath failing. “A-adora…”

Adora’s face was close to hers, now, tears beginning to spill out. It hit Catra that this was the first time that Adora had been the one of them to cry. But now she was catching up, fast.

“I-if you wanted, if you waited… I’d find you, a-and we can spend a lifetime t-trying to fix everything that’s been so messed up all this time… w-we could, finally-”

Their eyes met again, this time both shimmering with sorrow and longing. Catra wanted so much to reach out and hold her, touch her gently again, pull her close- and Adora must have read her mind because it was her who pressed her palm to Catra’s cheek and finally their lips came together in the lowest point of both of their lives.

Their kiss was long, shaking, and tasted of tears. A decade of star-crossed feeling came barrelling into both of them, making them light-headed and so, so relieved. A weight of two worlds of responsibilities was lifted, vanished, no longer mattered. As long as their lips were pressed on one another they didn’t have to worry or care about anything else.

A minute passed. Two. Maybe three or more. Maybe an hour or a week or a lifetime. Adora was the one to pull away, her hair a mess down her face. Her forehead rested forward against Catra’s. She couldn’t torture herself by lingering any longer.

Catra swallowed. The tears were still coming, but slower. An age of grief, ancient as it was deep, was no longer pressing on her heart. Soon, she could be free of… everything. Nearly everything. Adora was lifting a burden from her, the burden she’d bore all her life, the burden that Adora had seemingly never before truly understood.

“I’ll wait. Of course I’ll wait.” She could hardly see for tears now, she must look a total mess. And still, she laughed, as bitter a laugh as ever but for once, softened with warmth.

The sting of irons around her wrists disappeared and she wasted no time throwing herself upon the girl in front of her – weak as she was it was more like toppling into her – and finding another kiss in Adora’s welcoming embrace while blunted claws dug into her back. Not that Adora could feel any pain, or anything but the girl she loved in her arms and closer together than ever before.

Minutes later they parted again, hands in each other’s delicate grasp. Neither wanted to let the other go, because it would be an age again before they would meet once more.

Adora squeezed Catra’s palms, finally looking away once more. This was the heaviest weight to let slip away. “The… the guards will be gone. I asked them to leave. I’ll take you outside. After that…”

Catra squeezed back moments later. “You… you don’t have to watch me go. I’ll be like a shadow.”

Adora nodded. “And I’ll see you again… someday.”

They hugged one final time, but dared not hold for long lest they give in at the last second. They proceeded up through the dungeon in silence, still hand in hand, holding on to that last bit of warmth from each other’s touch. When finally they stood in the grass, the darkness of night surrounding them, they found each other’s gaze one final time. Adora’s was filled with pain, deep heartfelt pain. Pain that could be decades from healing.

Catra’s grip released. The back of her hand brushed against Adora’s cheek. A small kiss was placed where it departed.

“…Bye, Adora.”

With just a whisper on the wind she was gone.

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't written in YEARSSSSSS Aghfudisghdiufh
> 
> I really hope I made Catra's motivations and emotions regarding her and Adora clear & realistic because this is a very Catra-centric fic despite it being about the two of them
> 
> I was considering at first leaving it on a cliffhanger with regards to what decision Catra makes but as I wrote it, her choice became clear to me so here we are!!!


End file.
